The 2016 Hapa FFL Combine is in the books and the results are in:

March Madness – Swaney (25 Points)
With a season full of College Basketball research (and a $20 app), Swaney took home the March Madness prize. In addition to 25 points, Swaney has his 2016 League dues comp’d. Thanks, losers.

Punt – Shuttle Champ (112 Points)
That boot(y), tho’. With those long legs, the Shuttle Champ (and 2015 Combine champ) was able to leg his way to a win in the first event of the day. How’s the view from back there, OHMY GATOS?

Pringles 1 – #lawyered, Bull Kaka, OHMY GATOS (Tie – 10 Points)
The first round was rough, but like an experimental phase in college, we made it out alive. Three-way (wink, wink) tie.

Pass – OHMY GATOS (92 Points)
OHMY GATOS showed off his laser, rocket arm with two throws over forty yards. OHMY GATOS: “Shuttle Champ – are you talking to me?” As an aside, neither Brandon Weedies, nor Xiants were able to “get it in” the box (zero points overall).

Pringles 2 – Sal (20 Points)
Sal excelled at Pringles in Round 2, forcing the “new guy” to get his Jell-O on. What’d you get there, new guy — margarita or key lime pie?

Kick – Brandon Weedies (41 Points)
The smoke cleared for a minute and Weedies chose two short makes over a long miss. Smart move, as almost half the League was unable to make a single field goal. In fact, Swaney’s probably still out there trying for that 44-yarder. Painful.

Pringles 3 – N/A
Foregone due to multiple bouts of “food poisoning.” That’s with real quotes AND air quotes. OHMY GATOS, Red Rumblers, and #lawyered, we’re looking at you 😐

40-Yard Dash – #lawyered (119 Points)
The defending champ #lawyered took home the belt again in the penultimate event. Crossing the line with a puke aided time of 5.25 seconds, the “Vomit Comet” came well short of 2015’s mark of 4.90.

Pringles 4 – N/A
See Pringles 3, above.

3-Cone Drill – Brandon Weedies (101 Points)
The only outright winner of two events, Weedies needed a makeup, since he didn’t understand the rules and “fell on purpose.” The only competitor to come in under 20 seconds, Weedies confirmed empirically that dreadlocks actually do make you run faster.

And drum roll, please….

Overall Winner – Shuttle Champ (again!)

Maybe it’s the topknot? We may have to change his name to Combine Champ.

For the second year in a row, it was Shuttle Champ and High on Potenuse finishing 1-2 at the Combine, with Sal bringing up arears — I mean the rear.

Well done, sir. Well done.

2016 Draft Order:

1. Shuttle Champ
2. High on Potenuse
4. Brandon Weedies
5. Swaney
6. #lawyered
7. Red Rumblers
8. Bull Kaka
9. azynprswazyn
10. Sweet D
11. Win
12. Xiants
13. Rocky Toppers
14. Sal